Photo courtesy of jeanbaptisteparis
Post by guest blogger Derek Vance. Derek Vance is currently on his second Summer Project with Keynote. He is a senior at Brown University, where he studies Public Policy and Religion.
Here at the Keynote Summer Project, we recently learned the importance of resolving conflict when it arises. I think it’s safe to say that few people truly enjoy conflict. Most of us probably wish that conflict never arose. That would be the case if we lived in a world of perfect harmony, or if we always got along, or if we never said something stupid. But we don’t live in that world, so we often find ourselves in conflicts that require us to humble ourselves and try to find resolution.
Each of us has a natural way that we respond to conflict. Personally, I handle it by refusing to address it, and I also blame the whole thing on the other person… well, that’s what I used to do. After going through Keynote’s conflict resolution class, I’ve come to recognize that working through conflict in a Biblical way is something I have to do.
This past semester, I found myself in a situation with a friend that needed to be resolved. I thought that he was reacting to something in an inappropriate manner, and I blamed the entire situation on him. If this had happened before I had gone through the conflict resolution class, I wouldn’t have done anything. Our friendship would’ve suffered simply because I wouldn’t have wanted to put myself through the awkwardness of working through it with him. But instead, I knew that I had to man up and address the conflict, despite the awkwardness. After talking about it with him, I learned that I was primarily to blame. I didn’t expect that; I thought I was free of fault. We each expressed our feelings, both apologized for how we handled the situation, and now we are better friends.
Resolving conflict is never easy, but here are 5 simple steps that I learned in the conflict resolution class at Keynote that I find helpful when I have conflict that I need to address:
- Pray: Seek God’s direction so that you can handle the situation in a manner that glorifies Him.
- Establish the setting: There is a chance that the other person is not ready to address the conflict. It is important to make sure that the resolution process occurs when both you and the other person are ready to address it. It is very important that this happens in private.
- Accept responsibility: Even if you think you are in the clear in this particular conflict, there is bound to be a grey area where you may be in the wrong… trust me.
- Clarify: State the issue surrounding the conflict, express your position and emotions, and listen to those of the other person. Don’t question the emotions the other person experienced in the event that led to the conflict. If they say they felt a certain way, they felt that way.
- Express where we go from here: Establish norms for future interactions with the other person, especially concerning any future conflicts that may arise.
Conflict isn’t fun, and addressing it can be awkward, but as Christians, we’re called to do it. Jesus said, “They will know you are my disciples because of your love for one another.” Resolving conflict presents an opportunity to show love to our brothers and sisters in Christ, and in my case, has led to friendships that are much stronger than before.
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